Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Hope



While writing this post I had Marty help me for I wanted us both to be open and honest with both old and new followers who have been praying for us and thinking about us daily. 

Hope. It's what gets a lot of us through day to day. It's what many of us have either had for ourselves or someone very close to them. Hope is what I struggle with after loosing Knox. 

When Sloane passed away it was hope that got me off the couch. It was hope that gave me the strength to get out of bed. It was hope that we would get pregnant again and feel like I as a mother had a purpose. That Hope came to us in Collins, and then surprisingly Knox! Our family was going to be complete after one hell of a year. Our family of five including Sloane, The Mitchells! After Knox passed away Marty and I did a lot of soul searching. What did we want our new life to now look like. Not what your average early thirties, new baby, successful family looks like. 

We cannot be pregnant again. I cannot carry another child. Bottom line, too risky, no guarantee and mentally and not to mention physically I cannot do it. I remember after Sloane died and we were given that "Hope" I told Marty I cannot go through loosing this baby. Luckily Collins was born, unfortunately what we didn't know is that not even 2 years later I'd have to go through loosing a second child. So not only is there the grief of loosing Knox but also the grief of never carrying a child again.

Going through what we have, we learned along the way that we have to be open to options. Options that women with a traditional history of child birth don't have to think about. However its those options that gave us Collins. So now faced with a new hurdle we again have to look into new options, and once again these options are a little less common. 

So as mentioned, we aren't comfortable trying to carry another child. After two pre-term losses, and a unchanged cervix, it's just not feasible to try again. However my eggs are great, and Marty's little swimmers are clearly adequate and those two have no problem getting together to make magic. The problem comes with the "carry" portion of that process. That being said, our new option is to have someone else do the carrying. People refer to this as gestational surrogacy.

Although uncommon, this option is, at present, the best one we have to grow our family. Regardless of the hurdles this option brings, we are both passionate and committed to growing our family.

The biggest challenge this process presents is finding that person who will sacrifice 9 months of their life for us. Many people wait years hoping and praying for this special person to come into their lives. For everyone involved, it's a life changing event, one that hopefully ends with a gift that words simply cannot describe. So that is our new hope, a hope that may seem crazy to many, but maybe crazy is just what we need to grow this family.









7 comments:

  1. I think this is a wonderful idea- I hope and pray the perfect person comes along to help you with such a special and important thing as this!

    Danielle @ Allusional

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  2. I will be praying for you guys, that seems like a great idea and I hope it all works out. Collins is getting so big and is such a beautiful little girl. Hope that book I sent you came in the mail and that it has been helpful for you, it was for me. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you :) I have been meaning to email you. Thank you so much for the book I just started :)

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  3. I will definitely be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you begin this journey!

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  4. Praying that you find the special person meant to help you in your journey. Prayers to you always. Thank you for opening up and sharing what I know is so difficult. I can tell ya it definitely helps mama's like me that have lost our own babies.

    xoxo
    www.hillarysgrace.blogspot.com

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  5. hi,
    I found your blog through wifessionals and have wanted to leave you a comment but blogger kept messing up (ugh!).

    anyways, I just wanted to let you know that your words touched me and even though I haven't lost a child your words are inspiring and bring hope and peace to my heart and mind. I have thought of you a couple of times since I read your post and send up some prayers for you and your family. I have loved reading your blog and your honesty and I am so thankful that you have the option of surrogacy available to you. I know the right person will be brought into your life and a healthy little will be born.

    I will definitely be keeping up on your journey and your daughter's smile is the cutest!!!!!!!
    Bria
    wigglelife.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words. If my babies can do anything it's helping others find their hope through us

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