Things nobody told me

Now that Collins is 3 months old, and we are getting to the point of some what of a routine I look back on these past few months and can't believe some of the things nobody told me! 

1. Breast feeding. Now from a post back anyone could tell how big into breast feeding I am. I was lucky enough to have my husband family and close friends supporting me right from the beginning. But nobody told me that my nipples may scab, bleed, and feel like the baby was ripping them off my boob! I had heard it would be hard but not the potential death of my nipples. So there I was. DETERMINED to breast feed. All the while I'm bleeding and watching the clock cringing knowing Collins needs to eat in 20 minutes. My thought, how come those girls on 16 and pregnant are able to breast feed and here I am a 28 year old woman struggling. Well let me tell you I can now see why so many moms give up. It is a hard thing to over come and I really didn't have it that bad (knock on wood no infections). But with the determination I had and support I was not giving up and I am still exclusively breast feeding. Just knowing I am the one who has kept her alive with MY milk and making her grow just amazes me. 

2. Hormones. I am no stranger to crazy hormones within my pregnancies. However the after pregnancy hormones, a few I was unaware of until they hit me. Like sweating, I'm not talking a little underarm and upper lip sweat. I'm talking waking up in the morning in a pool of sweat. I would wake up and look at Marty and ask him what is wrong with me I am sweating like a pig! All normal of course per Dr. Khater. So not only was I sweating as if I ran a marathon (which I clearly wasn't because my hips don't lie) my hair was also falling out. Yup this is normal too. Postpartum alopecia. I had this with Sloane too but it ended quickly since I had become pregnant with Collins. This time however I am loosing my hair in clumps. I guess I don't have to get a haircut anytime soon though since it just falls out. 

3. Body Image. You mean my belly isn't going to immediately go back to like it was and ill loose those 35 pounds ASAP. What? But Jessica Alba looked amazing just 6 week later. Guess what we aren't celebrities and don't have personal trainers, and chefs or don't have the money to immediately get a tummy tuck. I gained 25 pounds this pregnancy and had an extra 10 pounds from Sloane's pregnancy. So I had 35 pounds to loose. Immediately following my C-section I thought I'd at least drop the 6 pounds Collins was right? Nope. Instead I ballooned up. I'm not lying when I say my toes looked like tiny sausages packed far to much and my ankles, what ankles. I wasn't told that I would retain a crazy amount of water actually putting on more weight. Awesome. 

4. C-section recovery. After having Sloane via a vaginal birth that didn't require an episiotomy, I didn't really matter to me that Collins was arriving via c-section. I had all these women always saying they would never want a c-section unless absolutely necessary. To me you could have legit cut my body in half and have Collins fall out, I didn't care how she was born just as long as she was healthy. I still stand by that statement however holy cow recovery was rough. The c-section itself was a breeze. 20 minutes and Collins was born but it took at least 8 weeks until I felt completely comfortable with my c-section stitch. Immediately coming home I was unable to get in and out of bed by myself, showering was a production and I was unable to care for Collins on my own.

5. Hormones, again. I had heard about postpartum and knew that I might have it considering the loss of Sloane and then immediately getting pregnant again. This being a touchy subject that not many like to talk about I will say that for me the weeks following Collins birth everything made me cry. TV shows, just staring at Collins or the weather! I even cried during dinner once to Marty because I didn't want to die. Where did that even come from? I cried saying I never want Collins to grow up without a mother. Where was I going and why did I think I was going to die? Weird feelings that lasted a few weeks and every now and again they will resurface. 

When you're pregnant everyone has opinions, get sleep now because you won't when the baby arrives. Or oh with breast feeding you'll drop the weight just like that. Let me tell you EVERYONE is different and every pregnancy is different. But one thing is for sure. All those things I listed that I didn't know don't matter because the love you have for your newborn baby makes those all disappear. I don't care that I sweat, or if my belly still looks 4 months pregnant. All that matters is Collins and that she is perfectly healthy and loved more than she will ever know. 
I wasn't one to post belly pictures but it is truly amazing to see the before and the after :)



The night before Collins was born



Makes it all worth it