While writing this post I had Marty help me for I wanted us both to be open and honest with both old and new followers who have been praying for us and thinking about us daily.
Hope. It's what gets a lot of us through day to day. It's what many of us have either had for ourselves or someone very close to them. Hope is what I struggle with after loosing Knox.
When Sloane passed away it was hope that got me off the couch. It was hope that gave me the strength to get out of bed. It was hope that we would get pregnant again and feel like I as a mother had a purpose. That Hope came to us in Collins, and then surprisingly Knox! Our family was going to be complete after one hell of a year. Our family of five including Sloane, The Mitchells! After Knox passed away Marty and I did a lot of soul searching. What did we want our new life to now look like. Not what your average early thirties, new baby, successful family looks like.
We cannot be pregnant again. I cannot carry another child. Bottom line, too risky, no guarantee and mentally and not to mention physically I cannot do it. I remember after Sloane died and we were given that "Hope" I told Marty I cannot go through loosing this baby. Luckily Collins was born, unfortunately what we didn't know is that not even 2 years later I'd have to go through loosing a second child. So not only is there the grief of loosing Knox but also the grief of never carrying a child again.
Going through what we have, we learned along the way that we have to be open to options. Options that women with a traditional history of child birth don't have to think about. However its those options that gave us Collins. So now faced with a new hurdle we again have to look into new options, and once again these options are a little less common.
So as mentioned, we aren't comfortable trying to carry another child. After two pre-term losses, and a unchanged cervix, it's just not feasible to try again. However my eggs are great, and Marty's little swimmers are clearly adequate and those two have no problem getting together to make magic. The problem comes with the "carry" portion of that process. That being said, our new option is to have someone else do the carrying. People refer to this as gestational surrogacy.
Although uncommon, this option is, at present, the best one we have to grow our family. Regardless of the hurdles this option brings, we are both passionate and committed to growing our family.
The biggest challenge this process presents is finding that person who will sacrifice 9 months of their life for us. Many people wait years hoping and praying for this special person to come into their lives. For everyone involved, it's a life changing event, one that hopefully ends with a gift that words simply cannot describe. So that is our new hope, a hope that may seem crazy to many, but maybe crazy is just what we need to grow this family.
Posts
